The Roller-Coaster

Last Tuesday was my youngest daughter's first day of school. And I promised there would be pictures. And there are a few, just like I said. HOWEVER, who was it that thought "sheepish and apprehensive" would be the right words to describe my spirited 3-year-old's smile? My god, was I delusional? I should know my daughter waaaay better than that. Yah. SO, there was laughing and teasing and skipping around the front yard as we got ready to go. No moping or hesitation or fear. For goodness sakes, I was lucky to get her to keep still long enough to capture this charming moment.

Is it me or does she appears to be mocking me? And yes, that's a 'comfort necklace' (a little something I concocted out of a piece of cardstock in a hear shape, a photo, and my lanyard from BlogHer!) I made for her to wear with a picture of the family because you know, she looks like she reeeally needs it. Look at how broken up she is. Poor girl.

So, what else am I to think but, "Oh, this is going to be a cake walk". HA! Don't be fooled as I was!

Just as passionate and intense as her desire to transition the world of big kids was the sudden reality check that, "Oh my god, going to school means my mom is leaving!" HOLY CROW ladies, there were more tears than I could have ever have fathomed. And I know this to be true, not because I stayed too long and dragged it out (well, maybe just a few  minutes). I say it because after I left her there sobbing in her teacher's arms, my oldest daughter and I got in the car, drove down the street, pulled in a parking lot and watched her for a hysterical half and hour. Yes, I'm that kind of mom. AGONY. And then upon my arrival to pick her up, she wasn't crying still (thank god) but as soon as our eyes met, she burst out in a repeat performance. A total emotional release. Wow. Who knew. I was beginning to get the hint that maybe this was going to be more of a traumatic experience than I had originally thought. Later that evening as we were having dinner she asked me, what are we going to do tomorrow after I wake up? I breezily listed our normal routine and added in the, "...and then I'll take you to school." She replied with great alarm, "AGAIN? But I already went!"- Oh boy. The tears weren't quite as bad on day two but in the evening again she asked, "What are we doing tomorrow?" I said the same as before which totally agitated her and she huffed, "Now we have to go three times?" and rolled her eyes. If she only knew. Then Friday rolled. This picture was taken around 5pm Friday evening.

As you can see, there were no questions for me to field on Friday evening because, well, she was dead asleep, face in the blanket, out like a light.

Today was Monday, we went through the morning drill and thankfully, even after the weekend, she only cried, "a tiny bit" as reported by her teacher. I'm trusting the worst is behind us now and she will settle in and find her inner-confidence. She's got it in spades, I know that to be true, but it's a whole new ballgame being out in the world all her own. She is being encouraged (OK, forced) to find her way now as an individual, away from the world she's always known. Separate from me. It's heartbreaking and exciting all in one breath. There is nothing better than picking her up and seeing her face bean with joy. "Thanks for coming Mom!" She exclaimed today. As if there's even a moment's chance I wouldn't come. One thing is for sure, I am happy to the one who will always be be here for her when she comes home.

Comments

[Much More Than A Mom]

Awwwww. That was a wonderful post, Tracey. I'm glad things are looking up!

[Much More Than A Mom]

Awwwww. That was a wonderful post, Tracey. I'm glad things are looking up!

[Susan]

Sweet, funny, and touching. I dread the day my baby goes off to school. BTW: Love the FACE!!!!

[Michelle]

Oh those were great pics! Here is the post I did on my daughter's first day of preschool w/pictures: http://mdbeau.blogspot.com/2006/08/first-day-of-preschool.html